but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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