Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
