this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
