My sheets look like a crime scene.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
