i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
