You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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