maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
