your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
