Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
