How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
