she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
