How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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