i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
