Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
