You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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