Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
