Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
