Whod you bang
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
