Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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