There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
