It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
