I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
