I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
