Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
