So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
