Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
and you fell through a lawn chair
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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