Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
