"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
