I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
