Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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