About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He did a backflip because drugs
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