I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
