I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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