Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
