Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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