Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
