I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
