operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
