I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
