i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
