and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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