Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
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We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
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Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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