im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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