okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
