you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
