Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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