In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
