Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
