Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
