Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
