What a fucking waste of an outfit
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
