I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
