That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just tell him i said nine months
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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