You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
