Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
