if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
