Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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