I can text with my tongue
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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