Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
