Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
