Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
