You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
