Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
