I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
