Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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