Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
