How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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