A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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