I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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