I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
