Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
