Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
