im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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